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Tuesday, June 19, 2012 The hallmark of amaranthine despondence is immeasurable standards; standards One will scoff at and Two will extol.Let me tell you the story of One and Two. One was a quiet, oppressed, child, frequently mocked for various inadequacies and experienced pockets of happiness till the age of 13. Then came along Two. Two opened One's mind as to how One has been treated and how One has been living. One trusted Two and Two would frequently provide wise counsel. One and Two became inseparable. But alas, after about 5 years with the company of Two, One realised that Two's advice was not that wise afterall. But it was too late. Many years of Two's influence on impressionable One had made One more and more like Two. But One held on and tried to reverse the influence from Two. Two continued inputting opinions and assertions, refusing to believe that One had started to distrust their relationship. One then conclusively decided to sever ties with Two. As one would expect, Two wasn't too pleased about this. So began the endless battle between One and Two. 3 long years it has been, and One and Two continue their struggle, in the process spraying havoc on the streets, and random maniacal carnages. The little piece of land they inhibit is in turmoil. Outsiders watch and wonder why the land is barren, why there are streaks of blood on the soil, why the sun never rises on the little land. They always wonder... But really, does nobody understand me? I've always thought of myself as the minion. Jumping from higher echelon to way beyond the clouds (from the view of a Singaporean on the SBS Transit bus). Every leap takes me to the rock bottom rung of highly celebrated individuals. Seen as the lowly freshie, I carry on my menial life learning, absorbing and observing. And then I'm awarded with bouncier springs and off I go again. I can't begin to recall how far I've come. I will always think of myself as the little minion to everyone else, for with each leap the past achievement immediately fades into the chamber of motivational memories. Will I one day realize I'm already at the top of the world? Or will I be in endless pursuit of perfection? I want to be contented, and that is perfection to me. For now I'm truly glad to be looked upon as a little minion, by peers and by myself. It's the one thing I need to cling on to - modesty - lest I slip into the treacherous evils of a haughty upper class. It escapes me why happiness doesn't fill my veins and warm me up this time in the thick of the cold. Have I depleted that elixir or simply grown used to it? Or maybe it was never what I wanted nor needed. One of my caliber (or lack thereof) would have thrown a champagne party. I thank God still, because it is a (very) convenient benefit, but the soul remains ice cold and wandering in darkness
Monday, June 18, 2012 I don't think I've ever wanted anything humanly impossible this badly. Every muscle, nerve and blood vessel screams for time to stop. But all that results from that incessant, implosive noise is a drop of crystal clear liquid rolling helplessly down the cheek with every wrench of the heart
Tuesday, June 12, 2012 Happiness is reading a good book late in the night without the weight of any worriesHappiness is listening to trance with a drop so emotional it makes the tiny hairs stand on ends Happiness is that overwhelming, indescribable feeling when you know what's inside an unwrapped present and crying before it's even opened.
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escapist but a morose optimist. musings June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 August 2014 March 2017 through solitude 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 and drab at random blogger box
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