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Monday, January 30, 2012 I'm not sure anyone knew how much I wanted this, how hard I prayed for 6 months for it, how many tears I shed thinking about it. I wanted it more than anyone, more than anything else I've wanted in my life. I dismissed all things material, and even the friendships. All I wanted was me and the world.And I've gotten it. Nothing I could repeat any more than, thank God. everyday's the start of something beautiful
Sunday, January 22, 2012 Because I only learn from setbacks, stubborn like that.And then there'll be a period of mourning, then a sudden spark again, and off I fly. Then the head balloons, it gets pricked, and there I start falling again. Its cyclical in nature. I couldn't go anywhere than up from here.
but i'll collect myself and crawl through the shadows reach up my hands to the sky and shout out i'll never make these same mistakes again
Friday, January 20, 2012 Oh god I really need to leave this placeIt's murderous, it's cut-throat, it seeps the life out of me I'm still cautious, till now, doubts cross my mind ever so frequently; is it wrong? What's wrong? You might ask, but you won't ask, because I wouldn't tell you.
Sunday, January 15, 2012 It's a pity the sky is clear tonight, because I'm dreaming bout peace instead of the silent war raging inside me, overt only through the little miracle of nature between my fingers, so delicately wrapped in paper. An attempt to take a photo of it would seem more like fireflies, or the stars above. I could be high up on that hill, instead of down in the valley, bending over this blessed canal. But I can't. My first thought to myself is always, what the fuck did you do you stupid fuck, but then the qualifications kick in and I wonder if the problem is indeed myself. I've been taught that for years, and maybe that explains the instinctive thoughts. Blame myself, it won't hurt no more, cause I do I way too often. With a flick of the finger I toss my miracle into the drain. Thanks friend, but you ain't enough. I get another. Then I'm surrounded by calmness.Found the new year resolution 2012: Do not let others dictate your life. Doesn't seem to be working so far
Saturday, January 14, 2012 I feel the grip tightening, and I know why the fingers do. Your neurological processes connect to the fingertips, transmit through a fraction of thin air, flows through my arms and seek solace in the experience library in my head.I understand. But I will not mould. Because it will benefit neither you nor I, neither in the moment nor the near future. I've been there, seen the devastation, and investigated the cause. All clues led invariably to myself. Learn, because that's all we know. Trust; it's our greatest weapon. It builds a bridge over the Pacific, syncs times across continents, and brings warmth in the winter when the heater is down and we're stark naked. Then slowly relax the fingers, remove them, and observe the residual marks and bruises. They won't last for long, because I understand.
Friday, January 06, 2012 When all I want is for you to see The side that I don't show to anyone, in fear that they may turn and run
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escapist but a morose optimist. musings June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 August 2014 March 2017 through solitude 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 and drab at random blogger box
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