eLysium

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

But in the blink of an eye, everything could change.
And it did. For every such instance, I'm always thankful.
I've learnt to be thankful for every unexpected moment, any spurts of joy.
And today was one.
I haven't felt this blessed in law school, but finally.
Hopefully it gets better with time

outofmyhead @ 12:51 am | c0mments

Monday, November 28, 2011

The liberation of a pessimist's life is in having the time to think about other problems, and worry about the tiny, ultimately insignificant things in life. That's me.

Forever morose

outofmyhead @ 2:37 pm | c0mments

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row; it seems further than ever before.

I need you so much closer

If I pray, persist, and work harder, for that last 50 metres I'll get there, and I'll sing that song.

outofmyhead @ 4:48 pm | c0mments

Friday, November 25, 2011

and then I'd say, it's okay, I got lost on the way but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry

and then I'd say, it's alright, I got home late last night but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls just fly.

This song brings back memories sending shivers down my spine.

It evinces every bit of my troubled past, but sadly the statements remain in future tense because they were thoughts. Every attempt to put them into words became muted cries, never heard, but slowly dissipated in a residue of pain and sutures.

outofmyhead @ 1:10 am | c0mments

Thursday, November 24, 2011

I won't know where this goes till it goes.

My life is a risk in itself.

It's hard to place emphasis on any factor in that triangle of priorities.

Everything is uncertainty, too much weight on one destroys it; too little lets it escape.

How am I gonna continue this balancing act? It's a farce, and while I hate to admit it, somehow or another it's gonna end up in fate's hands.

Here comes another battle with religion.

To answer the unanswerable - is that deriding the unanswerable if it's meant to be unanswerable?

outofmyhead @ 10:15 pm | c0mments

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

http://www.fluentin3months.com/life-lessons/

outofmyhead @ 10:09 am | c0mments

Monday, November 21, 2011

I expect way to much out of myself.

Maybe because somehow I know that if I were to exert myself to the red zone it could actually work out. Most of the time I give up before reaching there and end up sitting back and getting envious.

Again, I think I need to leave this place for good. I need a new perspective.

When this is all over I hope I can cry in peace and know that I'll make it through the next hurdle

outofmyhead @ 6:33 pm | c0mments

Saturday, November 19, 2011

My life is an endless battle with religion. Everything in life destabilised, uncertain, dependent on specific answers which will never exist.

I've hit the last straw. This is not the first, second, or third time I'm posting this. I've had enough of this country. It's a Plato's cave with a locked door. It wants everyone to live in sweet denial. Its system is vile, vindictive, predicated on the discretion of the upper class. Meritocracy is a facade. That word carries no meaning whatsoever. If meritocracy could mean a monarch's son marrying a plastic-surgeried, air headed barbie on the street, and subsequently making her Minister, immune from criticism (via defamatory laws), that is meritocracy over my dead body. She should rightfully be allowed to hold her own shield against public tomato-throwing (if she could hold the shield with her little barbie arms). But no, 'democracy' in this sense would cause havoc, anarchy, economic devastation - ah fuck you, using economic arguments like rainwater collecting on the public roads - economic arguments only work on your robots because you drilled them in. But sorry, this is one thinking human right here you missed out. You continue denying that you're establishing the near-Orwellian society - continue... You can't stop evolution when the younger generation starting from mine start systematically dismantling the little surplanted ideas-in-the-mind and wake up to a real world - it's when your local Historians will finally have to be jailed for writing the chapter 'the Singaporean diaspora'

I'm getting out of here. It starts from me. I'll do or die

outofmyhead @ 12:55 am | c0mments

Thursday, November 17, 2011

It is in these times where I need strength, of any kind.

It's the recurring thought that 3 days could change my life that frightens me, that makes me (somehow) want to give up and never know what might've happened. I'd rather have my top spinning and spinning, so I can convince myself it might end up the way I want it to.

But my other side is screaming to know what paradise would feel like.

I'm walking through flames to get there, but the fear that it might never actually end scares me through my bones.

It's like all I can do now is pray

outofmyhead @ 9:30 pm | c0mments

Christina Perri sings my thoughts

How to be brave

How can I love when I’m afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years