Thursday, September 29, 2011

I know there's a big world out there like the one I saw on the screen
In my living room late last night, it was almost too bright to see

Damn beautiful song. Absolutely in love with the drum and bass.
Heard it some 6 years back, still sticks to me till now.
Way too apt.

What does it take, how long must I wait?

Maybe 8 months, but no; in reality, 4 years or more.
But I'm not thrashing my dreams

Pretending there's glamour and candelabra
When I'm drinking by candlelight

outofmyhead @ 12:57 am | c0mments

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

"Fuck, why the hell did I do it?
Because the revengeful side of myself took over.
But there wasn't anything to be revengeful about. Even if there was, live and let live.
That's why i'm killing myself here; I'm still that same person I wanted to change.
I won't let it happen again."

outofmyhead @ 9:12 pm | c0mments

Monday, September 26, 2011

Maybe one thing I regret is my unnatural incapability to directly express any true emotions to the fullest extent, tainted by the formation of a stigma which came into existence only some years ago. My failure to accept idealism developed, overcome by realism erring on the side of pessimism.

I used to think it didn't matter to myself, but what inevitably happens is that it affects everyone who matter around me, and by virtue of my life priorities, bounces back and hits me straight in the chest. And here I am, regretting the devastation (well not yet, but potentially) which could only be traced back to myself.

What I need now is some courage to embrace idealism, at least a little.

outofmyhead @ 6:14 pm | c0mments

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I love the late nights/ early mornings, driving home before dawn breaks and screaming my lungs out to emotionally-charged songs after an overload of caffeine, reminiscing about the past, pondering about the future, and forgetting the present.

outofmyhead @ 1:51 pm | c0mments

Thursday, September 22, 2011

“I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”

“She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.”

"The only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad.”

“The only thing more painful than being an active forgetter is to be an inert rememberer.”

I read 'Everything is illuminated' some years ago and understood only the cold comedy. Naive and impressionable then?

outofmyhead @ 4:58 pm | c0mments

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Walk with me, come and walk with me, to the edge of all we've ever known.

outofmyhead @ 9:08 pm | c0mments

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Well I'm not sure what this is gonna be, but with my eyes closed all I see is the skyline through the window, the moon above you and the streets below

Am I dumb or what, this period of life is/will be better than much of the past and the next few years, but I'm still complaining, and still dangerously pessimistic.

And this is the problem: I never can live in the moment - a seemingly surreal physical presence vanishes as a distant memory when my mind wanders only to the closest point of darkness in the future; when I try to absorb the present all it feels like is grabbing water with my bare hands, with all the anguish and desperation in failing to do so

outofmyhead @ 12:55 am | c0mments

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I'm losing myself, again
Screaming at life, screaming at inanimate objects
Mind is blanking out, begging to be allowed to give up
Every nerve is crying to be put out of misery
End it all in darkness, then somewhere in the nothingness it'll be calm

outofmyhead @ 10:35 pm | c0mments

escapist

but a morose optimist.

musings

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