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Wednesday, August 31, 2011 I was born to break the silenceAnti war and violence, pro life When they say the day is over I have theory that is older than time Fucking awesome song
Monday, August 29, 2011 If my mentality doesn't change it's gonna be a hard half a decade. I've finally admitted to one truth I've been denying for most of my life - I expect way too much out of people, of life and of myself. I may wallow in self pity as a mask, but ultimately what goes on in my head is that failure's transient (ok an optimist would affirm) and I'm gonna end up doing so much better. The result of that is consistent disappointment, snowballing perpetually. It's high time I started digging out the roots of pessimism in spite of the multiple layers of scamming technology my mind has developedI don't know how many times I've opened and closed this browser when it's at 'New Post'. I really have too much on my mind, it's hard to organize thoughts in coherently ambiguous sentences. Remnants of mistakes from the past seem to be resurfacing, though I try not to mess up the hollow shell of my life. It's like little parasites ready to ensure what is hollow remains hollow, while also seeking to devour the foundations for survival, not just life. I'm still fighting. You know her eyes are like champagne Sparkle, bubble over and you'd know it when there's rain From 9500 miles away, all you could do is pray that she makes it through.
Thursday, August 25, 2011 The IndividualistYour virtues: Your basic virtue is equanimity. You are self-aware, sensitive and reserved. You are emotionally honest, creative and personal. At your best you are inspired, highly creative and able to renew yourself and transform your experiences. Your flaws: Your basic vice is envy. You tend to be moody and self conscious. You withhold yourself from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, and can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. Your basic fear: Being commonplace Your basic desire: To be unique an authentic You typically have problems with: Melancholy, self-indulgence and self-pity. Your temptation: To beat yourself up and withdraw Your key motivations: You want to express yourself and your individuality, to create and surround yourself with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect your self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer". Stress point: Helpers. Disintegrating individualists may become dissatisfied like unhealthy helpers. Security point: Reformers. Self-actualized individualists may become idealistic and progressive like healthy Reformers. Wings: Achievers and Investigators. These may color the expression and influence your personality type
Tuesday, August 23, 2011 When you love a woman you see your world inside her eyes
I get this impression the day is looming; way too soon. I'm sure there's much to learn from this though it's not much of a comfort, I'm still searching for alternative motivations, or deeper reasons within the same one; but I know that if I can just hold out for that period, it'll all be over - 13 years of struggle.
I'll get the joy of rediscovering you
Sunday, August 14, 2011 There was a time that we'd stay up all night Best friends talking till the daylight Took the joys alongside the pain With not much to lose, but so much to gain
Bracing myself again The only chance we have of moving on is trying to take it back before it all went wrong
Friday, August 12, 2011 I am complicated.
It's one hell of a problem which compounds to infinitely unresolvable ones. I don't detest anyone, hardly even dislike anyone or have anything against anyone. What's unfortunate is that everyone seems to think otherwise, because that's what it appears to be, on the surface. BUT - I am complicated. There are voices inside my head screaming incessantly, an 8-year war persists, but how many look beyond the surface and see these? 3-4 for now, out of 500 or so. Fuck, long story cut short - nobody understands me.
It's 0 degrees in here, the core is a rough block of ice. Get a hair dryer, some sandpaper, pull out a camping chair and wait for the meltdown, and a new age. When that comes, I'd be the most grateful person in the world
If you wanna leave then just go Cause I can't get no sun in your shadow
Tuesday, August 09, 2011 Uncovering the life behind the facade isn't what everyone bothers to do. Upsets the status quo too much. Even I would hesitate to. But I appreciate and respect the minority who genuinely do.
Been having trouble taking life as it is in the present, always focusing on years, months, days later. Even thinking ahead in hours or minutes is forgivable, but any further screws up any possible 'natural order' of things
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escapist but a morose optimist. musings June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 August 2014 March 2017 through solitude 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 and drab at random blogger box
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