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Thursday, March 31, 2011 Life, where art thou?I've been a zombie the entire week. And that's an understatement. It just feels like, I didn't exist the entire week. Or at least, I existed, but I dunno where Soul went. It took a four-day break. All there was/is was/is lawr. I walked along the corridors this week, and my greeting to friends and acquaintances was an incessant shaking of my head. I knew what they would ask. So I'd prepare my reply in advance - the head shaking. This week's greeting was not 'hi', not 'hey', not 'hello', it was 'how's lawr?', like lawr was my one-month old baby. Just that it's neither one-month old nor a baby; it's a one-year old demon. That's why soon enough people walked past me at corridors and I'd still be shaking my head, but this time nobody would say a word, it was a silent thought-conversation: "how's lawr?"; "you think?". And then we went on our way. Gestures were sufficient, a smile was comprehension. let's take it slow I don't want to move too fast I don't wanna just make love, I wanna make love last
Tuesday, March 29, 2011 I'm getting stressed out about work right now but somehow I'm happy that I'm stressed about work 'cause I can simply get rid of that stress whenever I choose to - obviously by just heck-caring - 'cause school's 3rd on my priority list at the moment, and since it's the weekdays my first 2 priorities don't matter too much. That was a bout of optimism amidst the myriad of swear words I've used today, on work and soccer.
Sunday, March 27, 2011 I've this strange feeling that I've been mentally detached from the world for too long. I see the same people every week or every day, but when the next week or the next day comes I've the urge to say, 'Hey! I haven't seen you in awhile.' But I stop myself before that nonsensical statement spills out of my mouth. My memory's been placing work and more work in front of social activities, because in fact I've met/caught up with the most people this week than any other week in a month. Sure hope that it's just cause I'm dreadfully sick.
Thursday, March 24, 2011 I suddenly lost my direction.Correction: I suddenly FEEL like I lost my direction Correction: I'm wondering if I had a direction in the first place. Fuck, I didn't even drink that much. But I had to read yesterday's journal entry to figure out what I did and said.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011 There are so many things I wanna do in my life, and looking at the adventures of others through fb albums just makes me think that I've hardly even lived 1% of the life I should. It's not the Eiffel tower or Big Ben I wanna see (though they're a must-see); I wanna explore places with a history, that not many would bother to find out about. By the end of my lifetime I wanna see the richness of religion in Israel and Mecca, Machu Picchu in Peru, the legacy of apartheid in South Africa, the wilderness in Brazil, parts of Africa, Russia. I wanna experience where the world came from, feel it right in my bones by standing at the exact same spots the people in our history books stood on. And it is those experiences which determine if my life can be considered fulfilling
Tuesday, March 22, 2011 Little pointers for the future:- Don't EVER have kids 1 year apart. Nor 'accidents'. (i.e. good family planning is CRUCIAL) - If you happen to be so unlucky as to have 2 sons (bless you), stop trying for a daughter. It's like gambling - once you've lost a hell lot of money, it's not gonna get better, regardless of how much you think your luck might turn around. - General rule (rebuttable): screwed up parents, screwed up kids - Take it easy, (love nothing). On a side note, I can't quite understand why family & friends can not be the first 2 priorities of some people (in general). Your (genuine) friendships & relationships can't be bought. People can live without money, a job, (and a religion), but definitely not without either friends or family. Peculiar.
Monday, March 21, 2011 I've decided not to prematurely cut Litigation out of my potential areas of practice too soon.Well first 'cause I actually kinda like speaking, especially trying to get my point across (to people who sadly can't understand slightly more complex ideas - I've been in this situation way too many times) and strangely enough I'm really not afraid of public speaking (in stark contrast to what my entire extended family seems to think), that is if I've got something sensible to say. I know one subject I'm more or less set on taking is public international law. Haven't figured out which of the 8 cred mods appeal to me - IP, Family, Biomed??? And however lucrative it may be, commercial law totally puts me off. Well now I guess I really belong here, though the environment (people and atmosphere) still is dreadful at times.
Sunday, March 20, 2011 I think the greatest lesson I learnt from 2009-2010 is: Never let the psychotic side of me prevail. I need to simply take a step back, during tough times, and view everything objectively. My subjective judgment is screwed up because of a somewhat split personality. And I know I'm capable of being normal. I just needa chill and look at the big picture.And one other important lesson which people emphasize so much on but hardly ever take away is: Never take your friends and family for granted. I don't think I've ever failed too badly in that aspect, probably only on the family side, if ever. But that was just a thought.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011 I can probably take a cool 2-day breather before starting on work again. Still can't believe how I managed to survive last week; or rather, how I managed to do so many things in a week: birthday surprise, legal theory presentation, contract assignment, lawr assignment, pool $53 worth, barca-arsenal match, plan for a birthday party, attend a birthday party, watch a movie, club. Damn, I love my work-life balance. Not forgetting, i also managed to commit 2 traffic offences and spend about $200 in that same week. To hell with it, really.I like to think about life. And it's probably one of my favourite pasttimes - yup, talking about life with my best buddies. First things first I seriously need to lose some weight and start playing sports again. I never wanted to stop anyway. I'd go for every training and every match regardless of my workload. Nothing beats having fun. And football (i hate calling it soccer, but have gotten so used to people understanding 'english football' as soccer that i just gave up) sure is fun. Goodness knows why I never joined football when I was younger. Social stigma was a factor too, how naive. I definitely could've done better in badminton as well, or touch rug, for that matter. I still remember wanting to enroll into sports school in P6, but figuring out that the parents' answer would be a straight 'no' and would demand and explanation to my warped thinking. And I remember also, considering quitting school so badly in sec 2 cause life was hell. That was probably the most painful teenage year I suppose. I grew alot, but quietly. From then on there wasn't much left to change in my mindset. But I'm glad I grew up fast. The father said he wants to buy a house in Perth and escape, should Singapore decide to lose its mind and build a nuclear reactor. Well that totally brought out the hallmark of a typical PAP-inspired citizen: paranoid, timid, and anything but loyal/patriotic. Well done to national education lessons. I remember talking about my beaten country during a period of time about 2 years ago. The whole confucian-warped-chinese-fusion-modernist idea fostered generations of Singaporeans who ain't gonna see the country as a nation. Honestly speaking, I'm apathetic as well. And when I actually type about these stuff it's because: 1. i'm too free. 2. i look at it from a non-citizen point of view. not like i feel like one anyway.
Sunday, March 13, 2011 Been a long time since I'd much to trouble my mind.I survived the first week of the last stretch of Year 1 in law school, barely. Been through hell and back, with totally absurd mood swings, so dependent on external factors that it makes me think if I can ever get a grip on myself. Been forcing myself to let go of all my ridiculous expectations of people, cause really, nobody ever meets them. It's how close they get to them which matters. I realized there are some bits of the past that were meant to be left untouched, and much of the future which I spend too much time mulling over. I think my brain ages everytime I escape mental and emotional hell, and to continue with the analogy, the skull thickens along with it. I've got much more to learn in life, a little too much, considering how I tend to learn everything the hard way.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011 And I wish you could give me the cold shoulderAnd I wish you could still give me a hard time And I wish I could still wish it was over But even if wishing is a waste of time Even if I never cross your mind
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escapist but a morose optimist. musings June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 August 2014 March 2017 through solitude 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 and drab at random blogger box
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