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Saturday, November 20, 2010 Heading Westwards towards the sunWhen the past starts to bleed into one And the rest will disagree How your innocence can sway easily Lost, again. It's hard for people to look at me and imagine i've had a bad life. Maybe that's why it gets worse. Nobody can possibly sympathize, I understand; and everything that is portrayed just seems like a bad act. I don't go to the extend as to post the events in my shit life on facebook or whatever. Who wants to know, really? Your closest friends would already know. I won't make a worldwide plea for sympathy. I'm worth more than that. Proper friends give it to you. Don't need to ask.
Friday, November 05, 2010 I gotta repost this cause it's so accuratehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keirsey_Temperament_Sorter#Four_temperaments Rational Mastermind You are introspective, pragmatic, directive, and attentive. As a strategist, you are better than any other type at brainstorming approaches to situations. You are a natural but not an eager leader, stepping forward only when it becomes obvious that you are best for the job. Strong-willed and very self-assured, you may make this decision quickly, as you tend to make all decisions. But though you are decisive, you are open to new evidence and new ideas, flexible in your planning to accommodate changing situations. You tend to excel at judging the usefulness of ideas and will apply whatever seems most efficient in accomplishing your clearly envisioned goals. You do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress you, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to you are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. You are highly pragmatic, and they will put forth a great deal of time and effort to implement effective ideas. You are driven to solve complex problems and to create organized, decided, and executed solutions. You tend to make positive statements instead of negative ones, focusing on how to make the organization more efficient in the future rather than dwelling on past mistakes. You are also highly theoretical, and the most open-minded of the 16 role variants. Before adopting a theoretical notion, you insist on researching all the available data and checking the idea against reality. You are suspicious of theories based on poor research and will discard ideas that cannot be effectively implemented. Famous Masterminds include Alan Greenspan, Ben Bernanke, and Isaac Newton. I hate my mind so damn much. I hate the seemingly innocuous dreams (not nightmares) of daily life which are so real that when I wake up I must physically check if it really was. My dreams adapt. When I've found ways to confirm that I'm dreaming, the dreams change. It's a natural inception in my mind. I'm not even trying to be poetic or anything. It's true and it's goddamn dangerous. I don't know when I might bluff myself into thinking everything is untrue. I know it when something is important in my life. I would've dreamnt of it before. That's why I know who in my life is important. He/she would've appeared in my dreams before I even knew him/her. That's why I found it strange that I never had deja vu of a certain somebody. Because the period of time is just a passing in my life and didn't leave even a single footprint. And I guess if I trusted my dreams enough i'd know that it was always meant to be a passing. But other things... recur in my dreams. Over and over and over and over; beyond my control whatsoever. I've got two minds. One foresees the future and tells me what's important. The other works in the present and the past (the normal mind). The dreams become dangerous when both minds mix. Superimposing past events/people to the present environment. It's an evil act in itself. I hate it. My deja vus have been getting longer and longer. Sometimes lasting a minute. Bloody hell, that is not a flashback. A minute of my dream in reality is not a goddamn flashback. And I deja vu the thinking that it's a deja vu, so that I think that I was dreaming what I am thinking. This inception (for real) needs to stop. I don't want to end up killing myself or thinking that I'm perpetually dreaming. I got a call today, first in 3 months. For some reason I knew who it was before I looked at my phone. I only get such a call that often; but I knew. No news ain't always good news. It's tough times when I think about whether it's worth it to find a religion rather than stay agnostic. But no, I don't want to get caught up in beliefs. There's one thing I learnt from kindergarten and finally confirm that it's true in its entirety; that God only helps you if you help yourself. Maybe thats why I don't usually sit back and wallow in self-pity; I fix it the best I can. Unless something happens beyond my control, that is. Even so, I always think about every possible solution; however impossible it may seem. There's a chance in most actions; I could be a millionaire tomorrow - how to at least make this POSSIBLE? I'd buy lots of lottery tickets and go to the casino. Being a millionaire tomorrow is not impossible, you see. Impossible means 100%. Even if my chance is 0.0000000000....1%, well it's still a chance. But the 100% impossible - well, thats what they call the vicisstudes of life then.
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escapist but a morose optimist. musings June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 August 2014 March 2017 through solitude 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 and drab at random blogger box
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