|
Monday, August 30, 2010 It says alot that i'm in school at this moment using my phone to lament when my laptop is out of battery. Everything about law school so far has been - there's no other way to phrase it accurately - fucked up. From the goddamn stifling campus, to the alien faces, to the alien attitude and the overall dreadfulness of it all.Stepping into BTC makes me feel like i'm on the brink of mental retardation. Every minute that I'm around the campus my brain capacity shrinks. And for some reason it affects my ability to interact with people too (oh wait, aliens).
Sunday, August 29, 2010 its funny how 3 friends can go through the same shit in their lives, at around the same time, and find solace in and support each other. its like a i-nearly-died-but-miraculously-survived club. its a club open for those who think their lives hang by a thread, for these ppl to seek counsel, and eventually grow in resilience
Sunday, August 22, 2010 Seems I've survived better than many people, and myself, would've expected me toThe secret is in tucking in the thoughts to little boxes... Little compartments with labels so that I know better never to open them... Once in awhile when I get bogged down by work these little memories seem to want to jump out at me... But I've got a quick reaction; I shut them in again, real quick. Then I turn to remedies... I open up other little boxes (all too often nowadays) and let the air float all around me Take it easy; love nothing
Saturday, August 21, 2010 Angered by old friends, stifled by new ones.Kinda like having a split personality living in different worlds for the weekdays and weekends. And I haven't felt what being myself is like for far too long now.. I'm afraid I may soon loose touch of it, if those who make reality real fail to be there
Saturday, August 14, 2010 I have completed 1 week of schoolAnd gosh is it madness Madness in and out of class Got a fever already. How awesome. I'm have a serious need to sleep. But don't wanna compromise the fun. Can't get that in school at all. There goes the health.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010 It's been getting increasingly difficult to tear my mind away from distressing thoughtsMy mind flashes happy times in the past 3 months, 3 years, and worries about the next 3 days... all while I'm trying my best to digest Neumann. Dammit, really. I'm kinda looking forward to start playing soccer for real though. Been wanting to do so since 6 years ago. Finally.
Monday, August 09, 2010 This sweet madness;Oh, this glorious sadness What a perfect representation of my life at the moment I just realized something strange after reading a few of my old blog posts. I seemed to have grown up real fast after 2004. Thats sec 1. From sec 2 onwards the posts seem to be a lil too mature for even myself to believe. On a side note, I think it's kinda ridiculous that I've been blogging for 6 years. Well I certainly am committed to many things. Just that certain people don't think likewise. What a pity
Thursday, August 05, 2010 Been living by the day nowadaysAnd I'm not even in the army. There really isn't much to expect recently; it'd just be setting oneself up for disappointment (and regret) I've been threading on undulating terrain for just about my whole life, and goodness knows how tired I am of doing so. I don't suppose I could blame myself for my incessant bouts of pessimism; I believe I've gone through more than enough nonsense than the average nineteen year-old. Whatever problems you name it, I probably have got/had it. Except maybe, drug addiction. At the moment I'm still too level-headed for that. Looking back, gosh was I a terrible kid.. Contriving intricate plans to embezzle at 12 yrs old (it was highly successful - but as with all other culprits, I got uncovered - after 1 year), constructing elaborate arguments to dispute about my freedom, and later fabricating layers of lies when the latter didn't work out. Getting involved in all these shit for 7 years of my life perhaps destroyed half of it and salvaged the other, but it's gotten me shaped badly in character; that's gonna take at least as long as it took to built it to undo. Then again I don't regret it. I don't regret many things in the first place. Taking risks and taking shit made me resilient to lots of other things; got me thinking on my feet; and best of all it taught me to defend myself (a little too extensively, sometimes - and that itself has proven to be lethal). I seem to like learning things the hard way; testing limits, testing waters, getting snapped at, and most of the time I go by "twice bitten thrice shy". You never know when you've met an exception until you try again. And I suppose all these were an inherent property of Me. They weren't always done consciously; when I make the same mistake for the second time, I do it because my gut feeling says it didnt go too badly the last time - try again, maybe it'd change. But no, the subconscious knows it's still taking a big risk, and it's right. But I still take it the next time anyway, and the next, and the next next. It's like tasting something revolting; you taste it once, and maybe some part of you goes 'I think my taste buds are rebelling', and you taste it again, and you establish that that something is indeed revolting and it's not in the mind, but it's too late; you've already had 2 tastes of it and that's bad enough a memory. I just realised this whole chunk sounds slightly narcissistic. I swear that's only how it SOUNDS. While examining one's thinking it's gonna be tough not to sound at least a teeny bit like that. This whole post is essentially me lamenting about life, as usual.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010 Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but it's alright because I like the way it hurtsI kinda like that song; rather masochistic and it makes me feel a whole lot better. I suppose masochism helps the hurt. In the short-run, at least. Other than that, I've been dreaming/thinking of unlikely happenings, just like 5 years before.. Frivolous conduct in my youth; good memories, thinking about how to possibly live a fairytale in reality. Finally got my first lesson schedule of next week - contract law on Wed, gosh. And for now, thats the only lesson I know of. Awesome.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010 I'm starting to appreciate my free week now :) Being able to paint my nails and watch $6 movies and wake up at 12 and type nonsense here Been thinking of starting an awesome business with awesome friends.. Using our expertise in a whole range of fields. As for now I'd think it was really feasible, but then again I do hope our impressions don't change in 4-5 years. It'd be a real potent combination really, if we really do combine our expertise with cooperation (which for now, shouldnt be a problem). Then there's the problem of capital. But bank loans shouldnt be a problem. Might these all be wishful thinking??
Monday, August 02, 2010 ok its supposed to be the first unofficial day of school and I shall be whiling my time away doing inconsequential things. It's more depressing than the word can describe; having nothing to do is really the bane of my existence.and I suppose I didnt exactly choose to be in this state; I wouldve gone for the damn law camp (regardless of dubious company) if I had the choice I dont expect to live my 4 years in the bukit timah campus just thinking of getting the darn degree; I need something else to get me through 4 years of words and thick books. after working for the past 3 months I see much of the irrelevance of degrees. at this point I feel like I'm gonna be wasting 4 years of my life.. thats if my only purpose of carrying on with the 4 years is for receiving the scroll. and I just switched on the tv for the first time in 2-3 months
|
escapist but a morose optimist. musings June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 April 2013 May 2013 August 2014 March 2017 through solitude 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 and drab at random blogger box
|